I was born in an Orphanage in 1889, but escaped with the help of my wooden leg and a little beggar boy named Jimmy. God bless 'im, mister. Anyway, it snowed damned 'ard that day and me was lustin' for a bit of bread an' drippin'...Having no money for it at the local inn we hobbled round the corner where I stabbed Jimmy with me wooden stump and ate 'im. If only he was here today, he would 'av loved this blog...Anyway, I picked me teeth clean with his bones and, suffering from mild indigestion, hobbled off to the local hospital where they gave me a spanky new prosthetic limb. Unfortunately, this rubber limb implicated me in Jimmy's murder, and now had me running and jumping from the top of a water damn at gun point with the immortal line, 'I didn't do it'. Years later, they immortalised me in a gritty film entitled 'The Fugitive'. I now live happily off the royalties and that's how I'm here today to bring you the joy and happiness I never had...